Dental Neglect and Home Improvements

Proof that I have a tendency to stand like a lousy Super Hero.

The other night, we--my family and I--were sitting in the living room, watching the Tigers.  The kids were running around, driving us a little nuts and eventually there came a point when I stood up and put my hands on my hips.  (Which really, is something I wish I didn't do because my wife and kids always mock me and laugh and say that I think I'm a Super Hero.  Which I don't, the picture at the left notwithstanding.  I just happen to stand like one.)

At any rate, I stood up, put my hands on my hips and said, "Alright!  It's time to brush your teeth!"

Caleb, my 10-year-old son, just snickered, nudged Andrew, his younger brother, and whispered in a too-loud whisper:  "Look, Dad acting like he's Superman again."

I looked down and realized my hands were on my hips and my chest (or stomach) was all puffed out.  All I really lacked was a cape and tights.  And muscles.  And height. 

I thought for a second about how sad a Super Hero I would actually make before returning to the issue at hand:  "Go!  Go brush your teeth.  It's time for bed."

Well, they scampered off--all 5 of them--like a small heard of domesticated beasts.  But amidst the thundering of their stampede, I heard something I couldn't believe:  I heard Andrew--in confidential and extremely boastful tones--say the following:

"I haven't brushed my teeth in four days!"

To which Caleb responded with:  "Wow.  How do you get away with it?"

To which Andrew replied, "I fake it."

Well, at that point, I'd heard enough.  The last thing I need with 5 kids is for Andrew to start promulgating a gospel of dental neglect.  I stomped into the room, stood with my feet shoulder-length apart, straightened my back, puffed out my chest (or stomach), put my hands on my hips and said:

"Andrew Peter!  You will brush your teeth at least twice a day or...or..." I searched and searched for the right threat, the right punishment, the right ultimatum to level at this hygiene-negligent son of mine.  Ah, yes, that will do.  "Or, you will pay your own dental bills!"

Andrew's face clouded over and he looked down in defeat.  Then, he looked back up.  "Where am I going to get money for all of that?  I'm just a kid."

What?  Money for...?  He was trying to get me off-topic.  "It doesn't matter where the money comes from," I said.  "I'm saying you'll have to find it and pay the dentist for all the bills that you rack up because you don't brush your teeth."  

There.  A definitive closing argument.  Now, we should be able to move on.

"You mean 'pay him' like when I pay at the restaurant?  When you give me money and I pay?  Like that?"

His eyes were big and innocent and I couldn't tell if he was really curious or if he was messing with me.

"No.  Not like that.  You'll have to earn the money yourself."  

He paused.  Looked down, thinking.  Then his face brightened:  "Dad, the only money I get comes when I get Tooth Fairy money.  So if I'd lose all my teeth, I'd have enough money to pay the dentist, right?"  I started to respond that that didn't make any sense, but he kept rolling.  "But then, I wouldn't have any teeth to brush or any teeth to have to pay the dentist to drill, right?"  He was picking up steam now, the clear end of his logical masterpiece in sight.  "So then, I'd have all the money and I wouldn't have anything to pay the dentist for and, I wouldn't have teeth to brush.  I'd be rich."  He finished with a flourish and I half-expected the other kids to rise to their feet, clapping.

I needed to end this and I needed to end it now.  I puffed out my chest one more time, struck my pose and said, "Brush your teeth" in a very no-nonsense kind of way.

Caleb, who'd watched the whole exchange, snickered and said, "Superman has spoken--we must obey."

Well, that kind of broke the ice and we all laughed a little bit.  But I couldn't shake Andrew's desire to not brush his teeth.  I mean really, who intentionally tries to avoid brushing their teeth?  Who else but a kid would ignore such a simple project--especially when ignoring that project is only going to lead to expensive and painful work down the road?

I was just thinking those thoughts when the home improvement point hit me (yes, I've written enough blogs and radio segments about paint to see paint-related points in everything):  I'm doing the same thing he is--with the exact same consequences.

See, there are all sorts of little projects around my home.  A hallway ceiling that should be painted.  Kitchen cupboards that need to be touched-up.  Some peeling edges on my wallpaper that should be stuck back down. 

I've got all kinds of little projects.  Some are bigger than others, but most are really, just 10 and 15 minute jobs.  In the grand scheme of things, they take no time at all.  They cost almost nothing and they don't require loads of expertise or special tools.

And yet I routinely ignore them.  I do.  I don't know why.  I guess I'm like Andrew--I don't want to take the time to do these little fixes.  I just keep telling myself that it's not a big deal, that I'll get to it later.

But the problem with that line of thought is that failure to act now only causes bigger problems later.  Just like Andrew and his teeth, I'm saving time now, but I'm going to have to pay the piper, later.  And I'll have to use my own money to do it.

For example, the peeling wallpaper is a perfect case in point.  The spot I needed to fix was about 3 inches long all along a seam.  Nothing.  It wouldn't have taken any time or money or effort at all.  (Notice I've shifted to past-tense to talk about this).  A little dab of paste, some safe-release tape to hold it down for a few hours and it would have looked like new.  But I left it and didn't do it.  I ignored it.

But Tessa didn't.  She found it and, of course, figured it should be picked at, peeled, pulled at.  Well, one thing led to another and before long, she'd created a much bigger problem that took much longer to fix.  On top of it all, the fix I managed to come up with wasn't nearly as effective as the easier, cheaper one would have been.

So now, that's me and my family--what's your's like?  Are your kids brushing their teeth?  If not, do they brag about it, too?  Is that just a kid-thing?  Or do I have bad-hygiene kids?  And how about you?  Not so much your teeth, but do you have projects at home like I do?  Easy, quick projects you keep ignoring?

Well, maybe it's time to tackle them.  Maybe it's time to cross them off your list and deal with them on a more regular basis--before they become bigger, more expensive problems down the road.

Give it some thought!

Bad Uniforms and What They Teach Us About Paint

The year was 1976.  The team was the Chicago White Sox.  The Sport?  Major League Baseball.  Yes.  Major League Baseball.

Maybe some of you remember this, maybe this is new to many of you, but for 3 games in 1976, the White Sox sent their players out on the field wearing...yes, shorts.  And not cool, baggy shorts.  No.  Tight, clingy shorts.  With their socks pulled up all the way to their knees.  

This alone would have been bad--a fashion faux-pas of epic proportions--but the designers of this sleek little number weren't done.  They added to the shorts what would have been a boring white shirt were it not for the GI-NORMOUS 1970's black collar.  

Together, the whole outfit was so horrible, I'm pretty sure opposing teams refused to even take the field against the White Sox.  White Sox players themselves likely spent hours in counseling and therapy sessions after being ridiculed and laughed into oblivion by former fans.  

And yet, what's interesting to me is that underneath that ridiculous outfit, these men were still Major League Baseball players.  They are/were more successful than me by a long shot and yet, looking at the pictures, it's almost impossible to think of them that way. 

It's a perfect example of that old saying about how the clothes make the man (or, of course, woman).  When we say that, we know that clothes don't CHANGE who we are, but they certainly affect how we are perceived.

For example, think of the manliest man playing the game today--I'm not going to name names, you just get somebody in your mind.  Picture that player and then dress him--in your mind--in this bozo outfit from the 1970s.  Give him shorts and white socks with black stripes pulled up to his ankles.  Put that little shirt on him with the big fluffy disco collar.  I guarantee if you do that, you'll be unable to take him seriously.  The goofy get-up doesn't change who he is, but it certainly changes who we think him to be.

Now let's shift gears and talk about paint.

Your home--your living room, your kitchen, the exterior of your home itself--can be in great shape.  It can be solid, well-built, brand-new.  It can be composed of the highest quality materials and consist of the best workmanship known to mankind.  It can be all of those things, but if the paint colors are boring or were poorly chosen, all of the quality underneath remains hidden.  

Look again at the pitcher in the top picture.  He may be a tremendous athlete (and even if he wasn't, he's still likely 20X more fit than most of us).  And yet, even though that may all be true, he looks so silly in his little shorts and his big collar and pulled-up socks that I look more manly sitting here typing this story about paint colors than he does throwing curveballs and 4-seam fastballs.

As I said earlier, clothes MAKE the man--they alter our perceptions--and the same is true with your home.  You can take the best, highest quality workmanship and hide all that quality beneath poor paint jobs and lousy color choices.

It's a remarkable concept:  an athlete takes years and years of sweat and work and effort to hone him or herself to be the best he or she can be in their sport.  Just like those White Sox players.  And yet, all that work can be tossed out in a minute when you cover them over with a stupid-looking uniform.  You can spend hours and hours and tons of money making your home exactly the way you want it, but if you choose the wrong paint color--something that simple and that superficial--the rest of the work is cheapened.

So all that to say, choose wisely.  Color matters.  The right colors can make your home look like something out of a magazine and the wrong colors can make it look like kids built it.  Choose the right colors!