Tuesday, December 7, 2010

'Tis the Season for Squirrel Feet

Christmas is rapidly approaching and as we all struggle with the pressures of finding the perfect gifts for our friends and family, I thought I'd take a post or two and highlight some of the most amazingly thoughtful and original gifts floating around the internet.

Squirrel Feet Earrings

***SPECIAL NOTE:  This is a joke.  We do not sell, condone the selling, or even recommend the selling of Squirrel Feet Earrings.  They are gross, inhumane and unbecoming for a lady.***
Maybe your wife (like mine) gets a little misty-eyed over those stupid Kay Jewelers commercials. You know, the ones where the guy in the scene pulls a little gift-wrapped jewelry box out of his pocket and makes his wife or girlfriend collapse in his arms in a rush of gooey emotions?  Yeah, those.

Well, I see those and then I look over at my wife--and she's sitting there looking at me and smiling.  She'd like diamond earrings or a diamond this or that.  But come on, really, when you boil it all down, what's more impersonal than diamonds?  It's the gift--come on, guys, you know it's true--it's the thing we buy because we either ran out of time, we forgot to buy something, or we had no idea what to buy.  If any one of those three things happen--or any combination of them--we opt for the quick trip to the jewelers and we pick up something with the word "diamond" in it.  It takes no time, no thought, no creativity.  It's impersonal to say the least.

But that's not the case when it comes to this gift for your jewelery-loving wife or girlfriend:  Squirrel Feet Earrings.  A gift like this takes thought and time--you can't just stroll into Kay Jewelers and pick out a pair in black and a pair in brown.  You've got to search for them.  You can look online or, you can get crafty and start looking along the sides of city streets.  Either way, it's a Christmas gift with that old-fashioned, "I-made-it-myself-just-for-you" kind of appeal.  And best of all, if you wrap a pair of these beauties and drop them under the tree, you'll never have to worry about that awkward moment when she unwraps them and lets you know that she already has a pair just like them.  No--she may have a hundred pairs of earrings, but I can almost guarantee you, she doesn't have a pair like this.

The Octodog Hot Dog Converter
Here's one the whole family will enjoy:  the Octodog Hot Dog Converter.  (Yay!)  Now, many of you may be asking, "What is an Octodog?"  Well, for the uninformed, it's a hot dog that's all chopped up so that it looks like an octopus (see the picture).  According to the website manufacturing the Octodog Hot Dog Converter, this is "all the rage right now amongst Hot Dog Connoisseurs".  And, they go on to point out:  "kids love 'em."

Yeah, I don't know about you, but I'm bringing back the video games we purchased and the other toys and the books and I'm swapping them all for Octodog Hot Dog Converters.  Can't you just imagine the raw joy on the kids faces when they rip open those brightly-colored Christmas packages and discover that they each have their own Octodog Hot Dog Converter?  I'll probably have to pick up a pack or two of hot dogs for them and then we'll spend the rest of the day converting hot dogs into processed beef/chicken/pork/mystery meat monsters!

This gift has everything:  it's creative, it's fun AND it teaches the kids the value of hard work.  Really, what's better for their young, impressionable minds than working in the kitchen, crafting a delicious Christmas meal for their family with their new Christmas presents?  And really, when you look at the picture, don't those Octodogs just look delicious?  My mouth is watering already as I imagine myself slurping down those wiggly hot dog tentacles come Christmas morning....

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